wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
