she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
