So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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