I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
