just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
