So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
