R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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