i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
