it hurts more in the daytime
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
