Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
