i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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