Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
