I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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