Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
