I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
