so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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