he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize