Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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