just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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