i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Too much gin, very little bucket
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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