Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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