guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
