Christians are straight up FREAKS
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
