My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
