i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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