he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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