Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
