You can't motorboat a personality
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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