I love having hate sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize