I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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