you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
