So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
