Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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