So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
