Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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