Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
