If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We got so high we made milksteak
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
