peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize