Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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