I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
