i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
