I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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