i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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