Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
