I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
