I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
