we made out on top of his cat.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
