Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I enjoy the company of your penis
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