Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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