All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
