I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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