i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
