saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
