I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
