I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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