I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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