well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
even my farts smell like vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
