he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
