So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize