i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
