dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
