Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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