fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
