yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
