census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
