some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
