I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
